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12月31日 Auld Lang Syne1st Verse
Should old acquaintances be forgot, And never brought to mind? Should auld acquaintance be forgot, And auld lang syne? Chorus For auld lang syne, my dear For auld Lang syne, We'll tak a cup o kindness yet, For auld lang syne! 2nd Verse And there's a hand my trusty fiere, And gie's a hand o thine And we'll tak a right guid-willie waught, For auld lang sine Repeat Chorus TRANSLATION:
1st Verse
(Should old acquaintances be forgotten) (and never remembered) (Should old acquaintance be forgotten) (For old long ago) Chorus
(For old long ago, my dear)
( For old long ago) (We will take a cup of kindness yet) (For old long ago) 2nd Verse
(And there is a hand my trust friend) (And give me a hand of yours) (And we will take of a good drink/toast) (For old long ago) Repeat Chorus © 2005 The Robert Burns World Federation At Christmas I'm able to find peace with the holiday whether I am alone or with family and friends because of the religious significance that must be celebrated whether there's Santa Claus or not. But New Year's? Not s'much. I will try very hard to be asleep before midnight but I won't be - you know how that goes. Not only that, even though I live in the middle of town, somebody will fire off a damn gun (it's Texas-waddaya expect?) at midnight and others will light packages of blackcat firecrackers. I guess, because I'm a "glass half empty" kinda girl, I tend to dwell on missed opportunities, unachieved goals, etc. instead of the chance for new opportunities with the new year. Why bother with resolutions when I've failed so many times before? I've gone to parties on New Year's Eve before thinking that would be the way to fight my depressed mood but it backfired on me. Oddly, I feel less alone at home where I'm comfortable than I do in a big crowd of people who are celebrating with drinks and those dumbass horns and hats, especially during the "kiss at midnight." There are only two holidays that suck for people without partners and those are New Year's and Valentines Day. GAAAAA!...just slice me across the chest and pour salt in it. Ugh. I will feel lonelier tonight than any other night of the year. And, believe me, I will wallow around in it more than a hog in mud. I will beat myself up, berate myself, chide myself, be so mean to myself I could have me arrested for verbal abuse. But tomorrow I'll be fine. I'm always fine; determined to be fine - and it's really not difficult after the haze of depression subsides with the morning sun and I acknowledge the blessings I have on so many levels with family, friends, job, possessions, and dog. I hope those of you who enjoy the night will enjoy it even more this year. For those of you in the same boat as me who would rather just sleep through the whole damn thing, hang in there. It'll be better tomorrow if you let it be. To all of you I leave my favorite toast... Friends may come, And friends may go. Friends may peter-out ya know. But we'll be friends through thick n thin...peter out, or peter in. Happy New Year. F
12月25日 Reflections...I'm home from the madhouse that is Christmas with my brother's family - which is the reason I go there, of course. Ha! I tend to suffer from apoplexy for a coupla days after I return because living alone with a dog doesn't quite condition me for the constant activity of that many people who all have a different path to the same destination, plus three active toddlers. My kinfolks probably think I get stomach issues when we're all together because I tend to camp out in the bathroom for semi-long periods of time. The solitude of the w/c is my quiet place. {giggle} And usually my happy place, depending on who visited there afore me. ugh.
My Christmas role (since my brother married and had children) has always been to sleep in the "kid room" to keep them from wandering out while Santa was busy filling stockings, etc.. I was good at it. I was able to maintain a high level of excitement yet keep them snug in their beds while visions of sugarplums danced in their heads. Back then we could all fit in a double bed, then king size bed, and then as they married and started families we spilled out onto mattresses on the floor, beanbag chairs...wherever we could find a spot. (One year I slept in a twin bed with two nieces and a nephew. Me in the middle with a niece on each arm, my scrawny little nephew on top of me.) "Santa" would make his reindeer pause and stomp on the roof and we could count on hearing jingle bells before we finally settled down with a breathless "he's here, he's here - go to sleep so he won't leave!" Little girl and boy voices giggling with excitement, and one deep bull-horn voice of my oldest nephew who has never been able to whisper. Hahaha!! We would be lucky if the kids slept 3-4 hours before waking to see if Santa Claus "had been there."
This year I opted to sleep on the couch in the living room. It wasn't a hard decision: (a) floor in kid room, (b) recliner in kid room, or (c) couch. Duh!?! This was the first time in fifty years I've ever seen Santa at work. I thought the Christmas tree with the lights was perfect. As I watched Santa's helpers - my doofus brother (aren't all brothers doofuses, er, doofi?) in his Astros sleeping pants and my sister-in-law coordinating the entire process like the ringmaster at the circus - I marveled at how magical it all became with the addition of filled stockings and shiny, new toys under the tree. The lights, already sparkling colorfully, sparkled brighter. The presents were great, but that wasn't what made it so magical. No, it was the love that went into every facet of being Santa's helper. From knowing to put more Reeses than Milky Way in the stockings because those were the favorites, to the items selected for gifts under the tree that would bring smiles of pleasure to faces. Parents whose main purpose is to keep the traditions passed down from their childhoods, instilling in their children and grandchildren the same sense of love and wonder that was provided them. After the stockings were filled and the presents laid out just so-so and Santa's helpers had shuffled off to bed I lay there soaking it all in - remembering my own Christmases and imagining how my parents must have done exactly the same things my brother and sister-in-law had, feeling a bond with my siblings that was established during our Christmases together, and feeling the power of one tiny baby being born eons ago that made all this possible. I was sad, I was happy, and I was thankful. Thankful to be a part of a family so full of love. Thankful for the family I was spending Christmas with but missing the ones not there - my parents, my niece in New Mexico, and my sister in Austin. When there's something that special, it's best shared with everyone I love, but there are so many of us with so many responsibilities it's hard to do nowadays.
Sometime around 6:00 a.m. this morning Addie was the first one awake. Like father, like daughter - her daddy lives for Christmas! Slowly the house began coming to life in a groggy kind of way. Pissy diapers were changed (er, just the babies, thank you very much), sippy-cups of milk prepared for crankiness standby, and the exaggerated ooohs and ahhhhhhs began so the little ones would begin to learn the magic of the presents left by Santa. From my vantage point I could watch the faces as the kids began filing in...the older ones torn between wanting to make things special for their own kids yet wanting also to see what Santa left for them! Hahahha.
Shortly after presents were opened I came back home. My brother, et al, rented a big-ass van so they could all go see his oldest daughter and her family in New Mexico. That reunion will be as festive and full of love as the Santa visit. Siblings taunting and teasing, little cousins learning each other, parents watching in awe of what their union produced.
So I'm home with Timber and Genny. Timber and I took a marvelous nap this afternoon, snuggled into my own bed with his head on my arm. He's such a good dog. I was sad on Christmas Eve because a family was standing on a median in Dallas with pictures of their blonde lab who was lost. He looked just like Timby. It made me want to come home and pet the dog. I hope they found their dog.
Wherever I am and whomever I'm with (even if it's just the dog) I'll have the memories and the feelings of all my Christmases stored up inside my heart to relive over and over...
I hope all of you were able to spend some time with someone you love, or a pet that brings you joy, whether in person or via your memories. We may lose our material possessions, we may physically lose our loved ones, but nobody can ever take away the memories we carry in our hearts.
Peace and well-wishes... 12月24日 Christmas Eve Gift!We have a tradition in our family. We race to say "Christmas Eve Gift!" to each other and whomever says it first receives a small gift from the other person. The game is valid all day on Christmas Eve. I have no idea how this tradition got started, or when. It's been around since I have, at least. I don't think my cousins do it so it's probably something my mother came up with when we were little. It's great fun. My brother's kids have taken it to a whole new level. The kids will disappear sometime after 11:30 p.m. on December 23rd. The adults hide to make it difficult for the kids to get Christmas Eve Gift on us. Ha!! The Pentagon couldn't have any better strategy than we do. At midnight we sneak around corners, jump out of closets, hide in the shower, and creep around the house hoping to find a kid before he/she finds us. When someone finally comes across another there's lots of squealing and laughing. It's great. It doesn't seem to matter who really "gets" who since the kids are the ones who get the presents anyway. Ha!! Oh, to be a kid again!! Phone calls, voice mail, and emails don't count. I use the term "kids" loosely. They're all 24+. (These same "kids" still hunt Easter eggs. Ha!!)
So I'm off to Dallas tomorrow to spend Christmas with this crazy bunch. They keep asking when I'll be there but I won't tell them in the hopes that I can sneak up and get "Christmas Eve Gift!" on some of them. Ha!!
If I don't get another chance to say it, I wish all of you a very Merry Christmas.
12月21日 The Drive...I got home from Dallas today. Had a good time chillin' with CeeCee, Addie, and the gang. But the drive there and back...GAG!! I don't know when they built 635 around Dallas/Fort Worth, but I'm sure they started working on it again as soon as it was built. There's ALWAYS construction on this road! And the North Dallas Tollway is like driving on the Autobahn. Holy crap! I go about five miles over the speed limit of 55 & 60 and cars blow by me like I'm sittin' still. It doesn't help my attitude that they're usually Beemers, Mercedes', and Hummers. Grrrrr... Spoiled little rich f*ckers. It's not the makes of the cars that pisses me off as much as the sense of entitlement accompanying their status symbolism, which makes the driver feel like they're so "above" the laws written for us commoners.
I soooooo wish Josh Groban could hear us together. I sang backup and harmony for him on the way home today and we were fantastic. I'm sure he would ask me to tour with him if he could just hear us. However, we would have to perform in small venues only...about the size of the interior of my tiny Tracker. Ha! The acoustics in that thang are great. I even sang harmony on Ave Maria - in ITALIAN - and I don't even speak the language. That's how good I was today. Some days everything just runs with all the cylinders hummin', ya know?
CeeCee has me wrapped around her tiny, crooked little finger and she knows it. Yesterday she wanted her mama's laptop. I kept saying, "No, no." She would look at me and then reach over to the laptop and put a finger on it, or pat it gently, watching for my reaction. After several "no, no's" I decided I needed to put more emphasis on the direction. I cocked my head to one side, drew in my eyebrows (this usually constitutes my mean or serious look and is feared and/or dreaded by coworkers and college students) and sternly said, "Cee-Cee, NO-NO!" So she cocked her head to the side, grinned, and said, "YES!" Then she mocked me by laughing right in my face. Ha!! Crap. I am obviously powerless over this 16-lb princess. Especially since she actually said my name on this visit. I walked into the den the other morning and she said, "Hi, Auntie." Melllllllttttt!!!
Addie seemed glad to see me this time. She's much more shy and reserved than CeeCee and has to warm up to new people. Tonight I met Addie and her parents at the Cracker Barrell (restaurant). Are there Cracker Barrells all over the United States, or are they a Southern thang? I think there's a Cracker Barrell every hundred miles on the interstate highways, at least across the south. I guess we need our country cured ham, buttermilk biscuits, and sawmill gravy to keep us a-movin' on down the highway. Plus, they have nice, clean bathrooms. Anyway, we had dinner together and then went to Santa Land to look at the Christmas lights. It was fun. My nephew cracks me up. We did this last year, too, so now it's a tradition. Anything done twice in a row with us is tradition. Ha!
Have you ever driven a route so many times that you seem to go on autopilot and then when you arrive at your destination you don't remember much about the drive? I did that today. My head must have been WAY far up my own ass. As I coasted onto the interstate on the entrance ramp it dawned on me that I had not even checked my rearview mirror. If you were driving on I-20 today around 11:00 a.m. in a burgundy Ford Explorer, I apologize to you from the bottom of my heart. And THANK YOU for the excellent job of braking you did on my behalf. I know I pissed those people off but I hope they know I scared the piss outta myself. But, on the other hand, the bastard coulda moved over when he saw me merging. Anyway, I felt bad - but it did make me pay more attention to what I was doing.
I picked Timber up from Genny's house when I got home. I had to bring him straight home for a bath. I know Timber likes hangin' out with his friend, but I just wonder what the humans there do (or don't do) to/for the dogs. At least I know they keep him in the fenced yard and let him sleep on his bed in the garage, and I know they feed him...but he always comes home kinda listless, smellin' fiercely like a dog, and itchin'. It's still better than boarding him at the vet's, though, where he would be in a 4' X 6' concrete-floored cage. {shudder} Timber will be staying with them on Christmas Eve night, also, and then Genny will come home with him for a week. More baths, more benadryl...
Ladies, y'all keep your eye on purses and bags. There's been an increase in purse-snatchings and thefts this Christmas season. Wrap your purse strap around your wrist when pushing your cart to the car, don't turn your back on your cart/purse, and don't leave your purse in the car (cause thieves will break the glass to get to it). If a thief steals my purse he would bring it back and hit me with it. No money, no cards. Nothing but Rolaids, lip gloss, pocket knife, 5-in-1 tool, and my driver's license. Very disappointing for me - fruitless for a thief. I can't buy your lunch but if you ever need anything cut, filed, slashed, screwed (be nice!), or trimmed (again, be nice!)...call me.
It's past my bedtime. G'night and I hope y'all have sweet dreams... 12月18日 Puttin' on a show...Miss Priss (CeeCee) had her very own parade at the mall on Monday. Her little tiny butt dressed up in her red velvet Christmas dress drew a LOT of attention. And she knew it! Girls, you know how ya feel when you're wearing something you think makes you look good and you feel confident and pretty? Take a look at CeeCee's face - recognize the look? Ha!! People were looking at her and smiling, she would smile back, and if she caught somebody not looking she would say, "HI!" to get their attention. She and Santa made a striking couple in their matching outfits, receiving several "Awwws" from the other people in line. CeeCee was beaming and didn't want to leave. She walked down the mall telling people "Hi!" and waving...hahahaha. She sure didn't get that from her Auntie. I was terrified of Santa Claus and didn't have my picture made with him until I was thirteen.
I'm off to Dallas tomorrow to hang out with my baby girls. My niece needs to get ready for the onslaught of inlaws and outlaws that will be in and out of her house over the next week. That's what she gets for livin' in the biggest house. Ha!
I finished up my shopping today. Whew! I've wrapped everything and it's ready to load on my sleigh. And guess what? Santa Claus dressed up as me today and got me a new digital camera! I haven't had a camera (other than the disposable kind) in years. I've been reading the manual today. I loaded the software but Windows didn't want me to. I got a message saying something to the effect of "this software hasn't been tested for compatibility with Windows and may not run properly - do you wish to continue anyway?" I loaded it anyway, although I know the translation of their message because I got the same one when I was going through the unfortunate iPod phase of my life. What Microsoft actually means is "Hey, Bitch. Why you loadin' something you didn't buy from us? Windows ain't gonna run that shit. Does your stupid ass wanna load it anyway?" Ha! I can always go to Wallie World and upload my photos to an account that I can then access online to download my pix to my computer. Five times as complicated and a pain in the ass, but at least I know I can get there from here. Uh, excuse me all you computer literate people sitting there shaking your heads at me - we ain't all Bill Gates, okay?
I saw a friend who retired last August. She's happier than a pig in shit now that she's retired. Dang heifer! I've been kickin' my own ass this week knowing I coulda been retired right NOW if I hadna changed my mind. THIS pig coulda been knee-deep in shit by now, too, but NOOOOOO. Oh, well. My nieces and nephews got much better Christmas presents since I didn't retire, so they're happy. When I told a nephew I wouldn't be able to spend as much after I retired he told me I needed to rethink my plans. Ha!! I've seen my old boss twice in the past week. Ugh. He keeps trying to be my friend but I wouldn't piss in his mouth if his gums were on fire. He's getting old. I think his guilty conscience is wearing on him and he wants to make amends before he dies and goes to hell. Ha!!
If you didn't know, please let me tell you...DAYS OFF ARE FABULOUS!! I'll tell CeeCee y'all said "Hi!"
12月15日 AAAAAAAAALLLLLVINNNNNNNAlvin and the Chipmunks is FABULOUS!!! And guess why the PG rating? There's a drawing of a cartoon butt and Alvin farted. Good grief. I MUST get the soundtrack just so I can hear the hip-hop remix of Witchdoctor. Ha!! Of course, I'll probably be talking like a chipmunk for a week or so but that's okay. They're soooo cute. I will definitely buy this on dvd when it comes out.
As I was saying goodbye and thank you to my boss and his family (who took me to the movie), I coughed pitifully into my hand and told him I was SURE I was getting typhoid or tuberculosis and that I would be way too sick for work on Monday and Tuesday. He put his hand on my forehead and then jerked his hand back and yelped. "Oh, DEFINITELY you should stay home next week." Me, "Yes, but if you see me at Target or the mall with Christmasey looking things in my basket, I'm sure that will just be part of the recommended treatment for typhoid." Then we both giggled. There are benefits to staying in one job for thirty years. Ha!! And my boss is a really nice guy.
My friend and I had cabin fever this afternoon so we went a-ridin'. We drove to a small town about 20 miles from here and had a cup of coffee at this cafe that advertises on tv all the time (locally). We decided we didn't like their menu options so we skipped lunch there. Then we visited a Christmas tree farm and drank free cider. We stood by the tree shaker and inhaled pine for awhile. It was awesome. My friends own the tree farm, otherwise this would have been an odd thing to do. Ha!! We went to the tortilla factory and got chips, salsa, and tamales. Mmmm. We'll probably have Montezuma's revenge tomorrow, but it'll be worth it. [Definition: Montezuma's Revenge-that burning of the butt exit after eating things with jalapenos. ouch.]
Timber was extreeeeemely glad to see me when I got home a little after dark. While I was out the temperature dropped nearly 30 degrees and the wind cuts right through ya. He nearly knocked me down when I opened the back door. He ran into the kitchen and then ran back, looking at me as if to say "shut the damn door." Then he ran back to the kitchen, then back to me, looking at me as if to say "where in the hell have you been?" Then he pranced beside me as I went to the living room as if to say "I don't care, I don't care - I'm just SO SO SO GLAD you're here!!!" All of this, to a non-dog-lover, would probably look more like the dog was thinking "food, food, shelter, shelter." Whatever. I can humanize him if I want to.
I saw a report on the news today that there are more people admitted to hospitals on December 25, 26, and January 1 than any other days in the year for heart attacks. Gee, I wonder why, she said sarcastically. I'm already stressing over presents, traveling, leaving Timber with his sitters, missing my parents, when to go to my niece's for Christmas, and on and on and on... I don't think I'll have a heart attack, but I may blow out the top of my head with raised blood pressure. Ha!! But tonight I'm thinking mostly of other people who are dealing not with a heart attack but definitely with heartache. People I've never met, probably never will, who are thousands of miles away...yet I feel their hurt almost as if it were mine. For those people I will say a special prayer tonight...
12月14日 Untitled.I have a friend who is as crazy about dogs as I. She lives out in the country and has seven dogs. One of her Brittany Spaniels has cancer in his nasal passages. She is investing $6,000 in radiation treatments for this dog, knowing that the most time this will buy her is one year. This is unbelievable to me. Granted, if I were rich there would be no question that I would do all I could for my dog. Realistically, I wouldn't be able to afford such treatment. Compassionately, what about the dog? Will radiation treatments and his difficulty breathing just cause him a year of pain and/or discomfort? I know it is painful to make the decision to put down a pet, but sometimes it's the loving thing to do. It blew my mind when my friend said she was going to put the dog through the treatment. She's either been lying about not having money for this-n-that, or she's going into considerable debt. All I can think of is....six thousand dollars would buy a lot o' puppies.
I was supposed to go to the movies today with my boss and his family to see Alvin and the Chipmunks. Alas, my boss got called to a meeting and we didn't get to go today. We're meeting at the theater in the morning. I'm excited. I'm an Alvin fan as I've spoken of in past posts. I was surprised to find the movie is rated PG (parental guidance). Uh!! I don't understand why they would make a kid movie and then put in something that would cause a PG rating. I'm very interested to see what caused the need for parental guidance.
It's A Wonderful Life is on television tonight. Yay!!!! Timber and I will snuggle up under a quilt and I'll cry when Clarence gets his wings. It wouldn't be Christmas if I didn't see this movie. I'm TIVOing it, also, so I can watch a coupla more times... This is, perhaps, an odd thing to think and I'm basing it all on the stuff I've heard about the prevalence of Jewish producers, directors, etc. in entertainment. So why aren't there Hannukkah shows? The Adam Sandler cartoon movie is the only one I've ever seen. I don't mean that to be a racist statement, I was just honestly wondering.
Usually I'm excited about most of the presents I get my nieces and nephews. I'm usually confident that I have something for them they'll like. Not this year. I have fabulous present idea block. Very disheartening. We have this game we play after the presents are opened (when it's obvious that they liked their presents). It's basically a series of ME shamelessly seeking present-approval, and thus auntie-approval. Ha!
Me, "I'm glad I kept the receipt for [your present] since you'll probably want to take it back."
Recipient, "Are you kidding? I LOVE this."
Me, "What was your favorite thing you got this year?"
Recipient, "My [whatever I got them], of course!"
Me, "Welllll, I'm sorry I couldn't find anything you liked..."
Recipient, "But I looooove my present!"
Hahahhahaha. I usually end up driving them crazy with it by the end of the day.
It's gonna be cold as a witch's tit in a brass brassier tomorrow. Brrrrr... I shouldn't complain because we're not expecting the ice that friends further north have experienced this week. But I will complain because that's what I do when it's cold. If I don't have to get out in it I don't mind it as much - but I have things to do tomorrow. Gripe, gripe, gripe.
Y'all have a good weekend!
12月12日 Work stuff...Today was the day my supervisors up the food chain "strongly encourage" all of us to attend a staff luncheon. It's our chance to "bond" and "get to know other people on campus." Pfffft. Most of us went but we didn't mingle much. Coaches sat with coaches, librarians with librarians, etc - yeah, go figure! Can't you picture a conversation between a bunch of football coaches and some librarians? Ha!!! The thing was supposed to be a "come and go" between the hours of 11:00 a.m. and 1:00 p.m.. I got there at 11:45 and most of the food was gone - so after a tasty meal of raw carrots (for some reason the veggie trays and fruit are always the last to go) and grilled steak, I went back to the office. You can tell we're all sitting there giving each other sideways glances and wondering who the hell hired "them" and...why? I try hard not to think of that whole "birds of a feather flock together" thing when I'm with a bunch of people that I think are just to the left of odd.
My student workers are a trip. I have Jermizzle (Jermahl) and White Boy (Matt). I love 'em to pieces but they're driving me NUTS this week. I told my boss today that I was gonna kill 'em. He said, "Jermahl, too?" (Jermizzle is usually quieter than White Boy.) I replied, "Well, I'm gonna whip Jermizzle's ass but I'm definitely gonna kill White Boy." Ha! I'll probably cut 'em loose at noon tomorrow and tell 'em not to come back until January. I thought they would enjoy the chance to work extra hours but they're both spoiled little boys whose families cover most of their financial needs. I came up with "Jermizzle" as a take-off on Snoop-Dog's made up language. He's "Jermizzle, fo' Shizzle." Hahaha!! Jermizzle started calling Matt "White Boy" because, well, because he's a white boy. Don't worry - nobody is offended by their nicknames and, in fact, they seem to enjoy them. When I get aggravated at them I revert to mama-speak. For instance, and this is for either kid:
Me, "Would you hand me that whatever, please?"
Kid, "This?"
Me, "Yes."
Kid (holding it just out of my reach), "THIS?"
Me, "BOY, gimme that damn whatever." (Which is the response they were after.)
One day Matt called Jermahl "boy" and was quickly corrected. Black guys (at least any guys I've ever known) don't like to be called boy (read your history books if you don't know why). Matt said, "MizAngie calls you boy!" Jermahl, "That's different. She calls everybody boy and she says it different." I don't know how to explain it. I say "boy" like he's a kid, not like he's my servant. It has a much different ring to it and if you're not sincere about the feeling it will not ring true. I got in the habit of saying it after hangin' out with my son's family. Kids can spot a phony a mile off. Matt is a little rich boy from Dallas. It's good that he experimented with "boy" on Jermahl instead of someone else or he coulda gotten his ass whupped.
I got a cool postcard from Chuck T.I.T.S. in Iraq. I tried to scan it today but, needless to say, I was scanner-challenged. So, okay, it had a waving flag, a camel in the desert, and said Merry Christmas from [the place where he's stationed]. Very cool. I put a big yellow ribbon across his door when he left and taped up some of the pix he sent us as well as other postcards. He'll be surprised when he gets back. It's a tribute to Chuck but also a way for the coaches to keep up with what's going on with him. He's in my thoughts a lot since he's not home for Christmas.
My niece mailed me a copy of The Polar Express to kick off my holiday spirit, and yesterday I got my Christmas present from her. She sends it early because she knows it drives me nuts to have to look at it for the two weeks before Christmas. Grrrr!!! So I thought I should get the package I've had to mail her on its way to her...so I mailed her Halloween prizes to her. Ha!! Talk about procrastinating!!! I sent her the money to buy her boys' presents so I don't have to mail them. Her birthday is in July - I should go ahead and get her package ready to mail and maybe I'll take it to the post office by, oh, August.
I need to go to the mall. YECH. I never like to go but it's like going to hell during the Christmas rush. I'm gonna have to bite the bullet and go, though. Maybe I can sneak off for a coupla hours tomorrow afternoon. We'll see...
That's all from where I am. I know - boring. If I'm bored living it I sure wouldn't blame you if you don't read it. Ha!!
Later, Y'all...
12月8日 Anticipation...Anticipation - life's foreplay. Sometimes the anticipation builds toward something fantastic; sometimes anticipation is more like foreboding. Sometimes you don't know which until whatever you were anticipating comes to pass.
I've noticed something lately about anticipation. My anticipation sometimes becomes the event. For instance, this past October I anticipated the 29th, the eleventh anniversary of Mother's death. I miss her everyday, but I usually struggle with the actual day it happened. This year I began anticipating how sad I would feel at least two weeks in advance. As the days ticked off the calendar I became bluer and more emotional, convinced that the 29th was going to be as bad as it was in 1996. When I awoke on the 29th, the events of that day eleven years ago replayed in my head and I cried, then I got up and began my day as I do each workday because I had to. Shower, dress, go to work, because I had to. Before I knew it the 29th was over. It had been just another day. The anticipation of the day was much worse than the day. Mother didn't die again - she couldn't. October 29th will never hurt as badly as it did in 1996. Mother died on 10.29.1996, not me. I have to keep living. I want to keep living. If Oprah heard this she would say I had an "Ah-ha" moment. WhatEVER, Oprah.
For the past few years I've anticipated Christmas as if I were anticipating a visit to the dentist. My Christmases were so fabulous when my parents were alive and I made the mistake of associating all those good feelings with my parents instead of, oh, the birth of Jesus. Remember Him? Mr. "The Reason for the Season"? Ha! Last year, living through the miracle that IS CeeCee and then hearing my brother read the Christmas story from the Bible on Christmas Eve while surrounded by nieces and nephews (all miracles in their own right), Christmas slapped me right in the face and I realized what Mother and Daddy were teaching me through all those wondrous Christmases of the past. It doesn't matter if there are gifts, or Santa Claus, or a tree...it only matters to feel love. I'll miss their hugs and kisses, but their love is not gone just because their bodies are. As a Christian, I received the ultimate gift when God sent his Son to earth for me. As we say in the South, everything else is just gravy.
Whatever your beliefs this holiday season, I hope they bring you happiness and fulfillment, comfort and joy.
Some of you are probably thinking "When did MizAngie go all churchy on our asses?" Like most of us who blog, there's usually more to us than what we put on our spaces. I'm like an onion - layers and layers - sometimes I'm kinda sweet and other times I'll make ya cry. Ha!!
On a more mundane topic, Timber had his annual shots and checkup this morning. He has so much fun riding in the Tracker. He traumatized a coupla cats, and memorized the scent of an old lady in whose butt he planted his nose for a good 3-4 seconds. You shoulda seen her face! hahahahaha. The vet tech took Timber's temperature, which he hates. He was relieved when that was over but then she did a fecal check which made him look at me as if he had been violated - which he pretty much had been. Ugh. No worms, though! Doc says Timber is one healthy dog. His food to exercise ratio is near perfect because he has maintained a constant weight of 90 lbs for two years. So after all that plus a bath and pedicure, Timber is knocked out on his memory foam dog bed. Good dog!!!
It's 80 degrees here today. Dammit. I'm going to a Christmas show tonight (the Irish Tenors) and it doesn't feel the least bit Christmasy. I'm gonna burn up in the wintry outfit I've chosen to wear tonight but I can't go in shorts & flipflops. Usually when I make an attempt to dress up and "be hot" this is NOT what I mean...
Later... 12月3日 The azalea bloom...I dreaded getting up and going to work this morning as badly as I've ever dreaded it before. I wanted to stay in my nice warm bed snuggled up with the dog. I wanted to avoid dealing with work people who, frankly, have been gettin' on my last nerve lately. And the thought of doing my hair, putting on makeup, and having to wear a bra and shoes all day was NOT making me a happy camper. As I drove to work I saw the leaves falling off the trees. I saw things dying and molting for the winter months and, even though my winters are much shorter than others, I felt the day and the coming months were going to be blah blah bleah. I walked toward my building and my feet crunched the acorns that were everywhere. (Did you know that due to last summer's rains we've had bumper crops of acorns, pecans, and other nuts in this area?) I saw how the leaves had collected on the curb and were holding yesterday's rain. What a mess. I kept my head down as I walked to the gym so I didn't have to interact with whomever I met on the sidewalk. As I stepped up onto the curb in front of the gym, having to step over the wet leaves and stream of water trying to escape the dam of leaves, my foot slid a little as I stepped on an acorn. Shit! Damn acorns! Damn leaves! Da... Out of the corner of my eye I caught a flash of pink. Beautiful, bright fuschia pink. Beside the gym, on the hedge of azalea bushes, was one perfect azalea bloom. The warm temperatures of the past few days confused the azalea bushes and there were buds - but only one bloom. I stopped a girl (I didn't know her - she was just the next person I saw) who was walking by with her head down so she didn't have to interact with whomever she met on the sidewalk. "Look!" We stood there together on the sidewalk staring at the perfect bloom for a few seconds, then we smiled at each other, and continued on our ways...heads up, smiling at people we met on the sidewalk. The leaves along the curb were beautiful colors of red and gold. Birds were enjoying a breakfast of acorn meat from the cracked and broken nuts on the sidewalk. The whole thing had a very O. Henry air about it. It's December 3rd and I was blessed with an azalea bloom. Awesome.
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