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4月29日 Impending neuter...Timber's girlfriend, Genny, is spending time with us again. This is their second time together. I guess Timber got a taste of sweet lovin' last time because this time he is out of control!! Last night they broke the gate that was on the utility room. This homemade plywood and heavy-duty hinges gate survived three big bulldogs but couldn't handle a horny lab. She pushed on the gate to get "out" and he pushed on her to get "in," so to speak. I hope Timber does all he can with his babymaker because after this, he's going under the knife. Since Genny's arrival I don't think he has slept. He grabbed a bite of food but most of it fell out of his mouth as he jumped right back on Genny's back. She keeps looking at me as if asking me to save her. At 5:17 a.m. this morning, after the gate break, I put Genny in the bed with me. Timber danced around the bed panting and whining. He thankfully didn't remember that he can jump onto the bed. I'm all about nature taking its course but that stops at sharing my bed with a couple of fornicating dogs. Just as he laid down on the floor and settled down to just panting, the bitch jumped off the bed and got him all riled up again. GRRRR. We had thunderstorms during the night so I couldn't put the dogs outside, but as soon as the rain slacked off this morning out they went! I peeked at them a bit ago and WOW what messes they are. Muddy, panting, humping. I don't think it's gonna work out. I don't know if he's too tall for her or if his aim is real bad or if she just won't help a brothuh out, but they're not connecting. Last fall, when Timber was a virgin, his approach to Genny was quite different. He followed her around knowing he had a purpose but didn't seem to really understand what that purpose should be. This time, however, when I opened the front door and Genny walked in you could hear his entire body screaming "POONTANG!!" He sniffed her ass and jumped right on. She walked out from under him but he didn't care - he just kept right on humping for a few seconds until he realized she wasn't there then chased her down and jumped back on. And that's how it's been ever since. I gotta tell ya, it's tiring just watching them. Okay, I'm not just sitting here watching the dogs doing it but while they were in the house last night during the rain and humping between me and the tv I couldn't help but see them! Really, I'm not a pervert! This whole experience is making me uncomfortable. Seriously, it's like Timber is not even my dog when Genny is here. He's just a humping machine. He doesn't want to be petted (by me), he's deaf to any orders I give him. He's acting like a.....like a......MAN! It's awful. I'm somewhat of a purist and I hate the thought of cutting the boyz but if it will calm him down a bit and make him a more pleasant dog, then I think I should do it. {sigh}
I'll keep y'all posted as I'm sure everyone wants to know about my screwing dog. (I forget other people actually have LIVES.) 4月26日 Bad week....I've had a CRAPPY week. The beautiful flowers and trees I've bragged on in this blog are kicking my ass with their pollen. I'm running fever and my entire body feels like it has a "crick" in it. Last night I ended up turning my heat back on because I had chills so bad I was shivering like a dog shitting a peach seed.
I felt myself getting sick yesterday so I went to Target to return the effed-up Tim McGraw cd that I got last weekend and to buy some Claritin. Decided to pick up a Tide-to-go handy dandy stain removing pen to keep in my desk since I have a knack for dropping foods of many colors on my breastial area, especially when wearing white. Mission almost accomplished - the heifer didn't put my Tide in the bag. Three fricking SMALL items and I don't get home with one of 'em.
This after I spent all morning arguing with WalMark's customer service. I ordered a coupla baby items that my niece wanted and it has been a HORRIBLE experience. I will NOT order from WalMarks online again EVER.
For anyone working in customer service: Customer Service does NOT mean speaking to me in a sweet little patronizing voice. Customer Service means to actually provide a SOLUTION to my problem. This seems to be a thing of the past. I feel bad for the people who have this job. Somebody somewhere pisses the hell out of a customer and "customer service" has to deal with the pissed off person. Not just occasionally but day in and day out. I think the people at WalMarks were determined to see how big a circle they could make with the runaround they were dishing out. GRRRRR.
To change the subject before I raise my blood pressure....my boss hired Chuck the Intern as his assistant. This will technically make Chuck the Intern one of my supervisors. I sure wish I had been nicer to the little bastard. I've already gotten a smartass e-mail from him asking what I will be changing his name to instead of "Chuck the Intern." Be careful what you ask, Boy.
Ugh. I'm having a sinking spell so I think I'll go lay back down. I hate being sick.
Oh, yeah, one more thing. I'm trying to think of some way to donate more money to the gas companies because I just don't think they're gonna make it after this terrible year. They just did a story on the news that Exxon will only make $9 billion profit and Chevron/Texaco only $4.5 billion. Poor guys! But poor little George can't do a thing about it..... 4月22日 The WeekendWeekends are great - I wish they were longer.
I went to Target today to get my niece a birthday present. I can't buy anyone else a present without getting myself one so I picked up the new Tim McGraw Greatest Hits II cd. And it's messed up. It hangs or skips or whatever you call it when a cd is messed up. Now I have to drive all the way back across town (takes about 15 minutes except during "rush hour") to exchange the damn thang. And they wonder why we steal the shit off the internet! Humph.
I love to study the differences between the Target crowd and the Wal-Mart crowd. Target shoppers seem to have all their teeth...WalMart shoppers, well, not so much. Target shoppers put the buggies in the corral while WalMart shoppers just leave 'em wherever, resulting in dented cardoors & stuff. I won't even go into the whole ethnic breakdown! I bought a new coffeepot today. I signed up and received stuff from bocajava so I'll start doing my "reviews" on my next blog. My blogging fuel tonight is made by Anheuser Busch. Mmmm. Deeeelish! The new Michelob Ultra Amber is delightful. No bitterness at all, and a much richer beer taste than plain ol' lite beer. And such a pretty color. Diet beer - what an oxymoron. I drink cases of the stuff and haven't lost a pound!! False advertising if you ask me.
An amazing thing happened this morning. I was having my coffee and blindly staring at CNN when a commotion came from the alley beside my house. I swear, it sounded like a helicopter was landing or taking off. If this had happened at any time besides morning I would have looked to see what the hell all that noise was, but in the morning who gives a shit? Well, I KNOW who gave a shit. They were either blackbirds or gackles (geckles?), I don't know, but there were a bunch of 'em. I figured it out later when I went out to do errands and I had to drive around in the bird-poop-mobile. Yech.
I have a friend who works for the Texas Rangers (baseball team, not law enforcement) and she hooked my boss up with some tickets to tonight's game. I figured she would get him something in the outfield or maybe 3rd base line at best. That heifer got him seats behind home plate! Shit!! I would have gone if I had known the hook-up was gonna be THAT good. Well, he texted me from the game: "Beer cold. Hot dogs good. Seats amazing." My answer? "Asshole!" As soon as I hit "send" I thought to myself, "Hey stupid, you just called your boss an asshole." Oh, well. He shouldn't have taunted me!! Ha!!
Timber (the labrador retriever) is shedding. I have to sweep everyday now or risk looking like a kennel. One would think, looking at the trashcan full of hair I've already swept up, that the dog would be bald. Where does it all come from? I'm thinking of learning how to make yarn out of the dog hair like a lady I saw on HGTV, then crocheting little vests for hairless dogs. Makes sense. It would be like "Locks of Love" [that's when people cut their long hair and donate it for wigs for chemo patients, etc] except for dogs.
I don't know about y'all but I get a little, umm, "amorous" when it rains. Judging by the noises coming from under my house the other night, so do the feral cats that live on my street. I also like to listen to the rain or storm and drift off to sleep. It's very relaxing. Timber and I settled down the other night, turned off the tv so we could hear the thunder and soft rain, and prepared to drift off to sleep. The cats had other ideas. They screamed, they whined, they hit the water pipes. NOT RELAXING!! Then, the damn big yellow Tom was on my porch the next morning looking very satisfied and pleased with himself. Showoff.
There were several stories on CNN this morning about the bird flu and the pandemic. They told me I needed to be prepared and to stockpile supplies for at least three weeks. I'm HOPING this is like the millenium scare. I kind of poo-pooed it in my mind but then when I was in Target I decided, well, it wouldn't hurt to have at least ONE case of water! My house is just not big enough to stockpile three weeks worth of stuff. I felt better after they interviewed the guy from KFC. They're ON this. They're protecting their chickens, they're inspecting them at the farm, the FDA is inspecting them, and when the processed chicken gets to the restaurant they are frying the hell out of it in hot oil. SO, if worse comes to worse, we can all eat at KFC. I can deal with that. Some fried yardbird, some Louisiana hot sauce, yummy.
I hope y'all are enjoying your weekend. 4月18日 Unproductive!Well, horrors. I can't seem to get anything accomplished this week - I'm too busy holding my butt-cheeks open for the oil companies to sodomize me!! I was kinda understanding why gas prices were going up due to increased use during vacation months, fear of war with Iran, yada yada yada, and then they give ol' dude a $400 million retirement package. How the hell much does one old guy need for retirement? That's more than the fiscal budget for a large city! So, let me think - that money probably came out of Exxon's profits, right? Well, then they're charging too damn much for gas! This just burns me up. I think of all the companies having to cut their pension plans because they can't afford it anymore, companies putting more of the insurance burden on the individual worker because they can't afford the good benefits package, and yet this one old fucker ('scuse my language) gets $400 million?!?
Another thing - the media made a big deal out of gay and lesbian parents bringing their kids to the Easter Egg Roll at the Whitehouse. Do they think this was the first time this has happened? Puh-leeze. It may be the first time they wore rainbow-colored leis that served as flashing neon signs saying "we're gay, we're gay" but I'm betting there have been homosexuals there since the very first egg roll ever. When I see proof that gays and lesbians are abusing their children I'll start worrying about this, but so far the couples I've seen are very loving and caring parents. I didn't have a clue what was happening in my parents' bedroom until I was old enough to figure it out so chances are children of gay parents don't either. That said, I am more comfortable with the traditional father/mother parenting for children but I'm even more for children being loved and getting positive attention whomever or whatever the source.
Do you think the district attorney in Durham, NC would have dropped the case against the Duke lacrosse team if it wasn't an election year? Hmmm. It's hard to follow this case because every network puts a different slant on it. I have noticed that the alleged victim has been transformed from a "stripper" to an "exotic dancer" and now to just a "dancer" in many reports. If this girl was raped and beaten then I feel sorry for her and hope whoever did it is punished. But I have this theory - if you don't want to get raped and beaten then don't go to a party with a bunch of drunk, horny college boys and dance around mostly naked. They MIGHT get the wrong idea! Sheesh. A few years ago a woman went to the football dorm at Arkansas alone and partied with some guys - then filed rape charges later. Why would a woman go to a big building full of guys, drink with them, and then be surprised when it got out of hand? I sound like I'm justifying rape and I am definitely NOT. However, we all need to accept responsibility for ourselves and our own actions. Once a rapist is caught and found guilty, tho, I think the best punishment would be a splintered broom handle up the ass - repetitively.
And let's don't kill the Massaoui (sp) guy. Let's not help him be a frickin' martyr. I think life in prison listening to rock n roll music and the 700 Club would be much better punishment for him. Throw in a little Jerry Falwell if he really misbehaves...
Whew. Take a breath!! Gotta go. Was gonna go buy vaseline for my butt so the oil companies wouldn't hurt me so much, but it, too, is a petroleum product and has increased in price due to oil prices. Where will it END? ('scuse the pun!)
4月16日 Easter WeekendI visited my brother and his crew this weekend. The sunshine and warmth were great! My nieces and nephews were throwing a frisbee and talking smack to each other when, all of a sudden, there was a commotion in the woods next to the house. All conversation and play stopped as we all turned toward the woods. It sounded like Big Foot would make an appearance at any moment! But NOOOO, it was my brother's dog - Mr. Butty Wayne Johnson - who had flushed out a rabbit and was chasing the poor little thing in and out of the woods. My niece screams, "Butty Wayne is gonna kill the Easter Bunny!!!" Never fear....Butty Wayne came back without the Easter Bunny so we assume he got away. I guess we'll know next year if he doesn't leave any eggs and baskets! There was no blood or fur on Butty Wayne so I think the bunny is safe.
Later on, my sis-in-law's mother's dog (Ginger) was outside for her walk. She wandered out into the woods and I guess got a little nervouse because she barked. Butty Wayne took off running to the woods to check on Ginger. Butty Wayne returned after about ten minutes without his collar. I tell my sister-in-law, "It would be funny if Ginger came out of the woods wearing Butty Wayne's collar." She says, "Yeah, especially if the collar were wrong side out." Hahaha!!
I really enjoy the company of my nieces and nephews. They are hilariously funny. Spending time with them at Easter was very special. While we all enjoyed each other on this weekend when Jesus died and was resurrected to save all men, we shared special time together watching the Ultimate Fight Championship on PPV. Yessss, it was lovely. Quite the bonding experience. "I HATE HIM - KILL HIM KILL HIM KILL HIM. HE'S AN ASS. BEAT HIS ASS. GET UP GET UP! AWWW SHIT HE BROKE HIS NOSE..." And that was from the girls. Ha!!!! That was my first time to watch UFC for more than the time it takes the remote to surf past. Yeah, I kinda got into it. I think the imbalance of testosterone in my menopausal body that's causing me to grow a moustache also made me like that whole fighting thing as it just doesn't seem like a very ladylike thing to watch. The fighters were so fricking tough, tho. It was hokey and cheesy like wrasslin' but they were really beating the shit out of each other. There were some tough dudes. These fighter guys all have prominent foreheads and are built like brick shithouses so I'm thinking probably, oh, maybe, STEROIDS. If not currently, then sometime in their not too distant pasts. I'm thinking this may become part of the Easter tradition. Good Friday, Egg Hunt, Sunrise Service, Easter Service, and Ultimate Fight Championship. Sweet.
I think the important thing was not what we did but the being together. 4月14日 "Freakonomics"What a great day! No work today. Yippeeee.
So I'm layin' in bed this morning watching Good Morning, America! and they do this story about "freakonomics." The first freakonomic: How are celebrities and smart black kids similar? It seems they're both lonely; celebrities because everybody wants a piece of them so they don't trust anyone, and smart black kids because they become outcasts from their peers if they make good grades. HOW FRICKING SAD IS THIS? Not about the celebrities - I tried to summons up some sympathy for their rich, spoiled asses but couldn't find any. I've run across this whole smart black kid thing before because I work at a college. Where I work it seems to be okay for black girls to be smart and make good grades, but the guys really are chastised for it. I worked with one young man who was so smart but made lousy grades. I reamed his butt out several times for this and he told me, "If I make good grades my friends will accuse me of acting white." I ASK YOUR FORGIVENESS AHEAD OF TIME IF I STRAY FROM POLITICAL CORRECTNESS BUT HERE'S MY VIEW: (1) The black kids talk about how stupid white people are, yet insultingly accuse peers with good grades as acting white. (2) The black kids become angry at the imbalance of educational opportunities or scholarship opportunities between black and white, yet "dumb down" to remain "cool." (3) Schools integrated when I was in the second grade so that minorities (I'm in Texas so it wasn't just a black/white issue here. Mostly B&W but in south Texas it was as important for Mexican children) and whites would have equal educational opportunities, at least on the public school level. It has been my observation that public schools have been forced to deal with socio-economic issues that have lowered the academic standards for all races going through the public school system. There are always exceptions but I'm speaking in generalizations. School teachers and administrators have carried the load of trying to smooth out tensions, teach social skills, instill values, promote and teach healthy lifestyles, teach sex education which has now become more than just birth control advice, encourage, and, oh yeah, teach reading, writing, and arithmetic - all on a salary comparable to jobs not requiring college degrees. You have to have a calling to be a teacher because you sure don't do it for the money. What's amazing is that there are STILL people who say teachers don't do anything because classes start at 8:00 or 9:00 a.m. and finish before 4:00 pm. I STILL hear people say they want to be teachers because they only work nine months a year but get paid for twelve. DUMBASSES! Most public school teachers get to work early, stay late to help kids who are struggling, they grade papers at night, prepare lesson plans on the weekend, buy a lot of their own class supplies because there isn't enough money in the school's budget, and when they're not doing all that they're worrying about their students who might not have anything to eat that night or whose parents may be getting high and expositing them to God knows what. Oh yeah, it's a helluva deal to be a school teacher! We entrust the youth of our country with these people everyday, but who do we give our money to? Those poor, lonely movie stars/entertainers and professional athletes. Makes ya SICK TO YOUR STOMACH, doesn't it?????
Oh, another obstacle for teachers: They spend all day with a kid trying to teach the importance of education, etc, but once they get home there's not much encouragement from parents. When I was a kid most of us who got in trouble at school got in trouble at home - not so much anymore. A lot of parents are not interested enough to keep up with what happens to their kids at school or in the streets.
Wow. I'm glad I flunked out of college and didn't complete my education degree. Ha!! I would hate to be a schoolteacher right now. My parents were teachers and I thought I wanted to be one, too. Thank God there was a class at Texas A&M where I had to work in a classroom as a teacher's aide for six weeks. In only three hours a week I realized that wasn't for me. YECH. I do wish I had finished my degree in SOMETHING, tho. I have a good job and I've enjoyed it, but there was not much chance for advancement due to my lack of degree.
Ironic, don't you think? I work at a college yet flunked out? I didn't work hard in high school and got A's and B's. By the time I realized that wasn't the way it worked at Texas A&M, I was already a goner. After that I didn't have the heart or the money to go anywhere else. I've never been one to push myself. I don't think I ever knew what I wanted to be when I grew up once I realized schoolteacher wasn't it. Now, after 29 years working at one place, I can't wait for retirement next year. Sometimes when I'm in a positive frame of mind I feel thankful that I've gotten to know the individuals I've been blessed to meet in my "career". I know I've helped a few of them and they've certainly helped me. I love those kids. I love the ones who come in every year. I love them until they give me reason not to. Other days I feel like I've been in a rut for 29 years in a "job" that never could go anywhere. Today? Today I'm happy it's Good Friday and I'm not at work!
A Blessed and Happy Easter to all us Christians. (Is "Happy Passover" a legitimate wish?) If so, Happy Passover to my Jewish brothers and sisters. 4月11日 CLOSE CALL!!Wow. I had a close call today. A lot of elementary schools come to our campus to visit the art museum or the planetarium or see plays blah blah blah. They usually stop by the gym where I work to use the bathrooms and regroup. Today after my lunch of salad (roughage) and Dr. Pepper (I'm sure it's made with prunes) I hadda "go" like a mad dog. As I was walking toward le toilet I heard a busload of kids come in the front door so I decided I would wait. There's nothing worse than trying to poop in a ladies room full of little girls. (1) They peer through the gap between the door and stall wall. (2) They giggle if any sound escapes at all. (3) They comment on any odor that may result from this most necessary of bodily functions. SO, I waited. The group today consisted of kids somewhere between first and third grades. Cute little kids. LITTLE kids. After they left I ran around the corner to the bathroom squeezing my cheeks together. When I got there I realized, to my absolute PANIC, that the little crumb snatchers had locked the stall doors and crawled out from under. This happens fairly frequently. I guess they have trouble with the latches, I don't know. My options were to find another bathroom QUICKLY or crawl on the yechy toilet floor to get into the stall. So I found another bathroom. The men coaches have a locker room and I went there. Luckily there's a lock on the door. I felt verrrry vulnerable sitting there on the man-toilet in the room that smelled of man-soap, mildewed shower, and dirty socks or shoes. Whew.
Close call!!!
4月10日 Feelin' sorry for my buddy....My friend is dealing with elderly, ill parents. Been there, done that. Mine weren't all that elderly but they were definitely ill. This sounds horrible but here goes....I'm NOT glad that my parents are dead, but I AM glad that I have been through that pain and do not have to do it again. Wow.
I'm not sure when we switched roles and I became the caregiver. It was a gradual process. I found out that once your hair turns gray people stop talking to ya. I would sit in the doctor's office with my parent and the doctor would talk to me, not them. I would nonchalantly point toward my parent and sometimes the doctor would pick up on the code and direct their attention to my parent, other times I would have to verbalize the need for them to speak directly to my parent. It was weird enough for them that I was taking them to the doctor and sitting in the examination room with them, much less being ignored like they didn't have a lick of sense. There's such a fine line between the elderly maintaining their dignity and independence, and yet requiring assistance.
My dad had diabetes for many years. It eventually caused kidney failure, blindness, and dimentia. My mom had to hide the truck keys because Daddy kept wanting to drive. It seems our independence is strongly tied to the ability to drive. I guess, when you don't live in a city where there are buses and taxis, and stores/businesses are not within walking distance, driving IS our independence. Daddy found the truck keys. I had to tell my Daddy he could not drive anymore, that it was too dangerous not only for him but for everyone else. I took away his independence and, to my horror, some of his dignity.
When Daddy's physical health and mental clarity became severely impaired, my Mom felt the best thing would be to put Daddy in a nursing home. My brother left him there for a week until he couldn't stand it anymore - then took Daddy home with him. Daddy had cried and begged to go home, and stopped eating. My brother and my sister-in-law cared for Daddy during the week, and I traveled to their house every weekend to take my turn and give them a break. Daddy didn't know where he was when at the nursing home, but knew he was not with people he loved. My mother was the only person Daddy consistently recognized. I was thankful for both our sakes that he was "out of it" while I was caring for him during that time. Knowing his baby girl was changing his diapers would have been the end of his dignity and would have been impossible for him to handle. Sometimes he knew the rest of us, sometimes not, but he always knew when he was with family. On Christmas Eve, 1994, as my family held hands around the Christmas tree and took turns saying a prayer, my dad stood up and with as much mental clarity he had had as a young man, said a prayer asking for God's blessing and thanking him for all of us, his family. On the day after Christmas he became ill and my sister and I took him to the hospital. As I left his room that evening to go home for some sleep and a shower, I turned to my Daddy and said, "I love you, Daddy." "I love you, too, Baby." The next morning he was in a coma and after three weeks he slipped away.
Mother had cancer. We always believed that if Mother died first, Daddy would follow shortly after; but if it were reversed, Mother would be able to travel and visit friends and family, things that she had been unable to do for the years she had cared for my dad. But it wasn't to be. She was diagnosed with an inoperable tumor under her sternum and died about a month later. She had a chemotherapy treatment and then was brought back to her room. She looked tired and was very groggy. I told her that if she was tired, I would be okay; she could go ahead and leave me and not worry. She slipped into a coma. I stood by her bed crying. She opened her eyes, looked at me, and said, "Don't be afraid." She died that night.
Sometimes we find a strength inside that we don't know we have until we need it. My siblings and I found this while caring for our parents. We got tired, we gave up a lot of our freedoms during this time, yet we all considered it an honor and privilege to care for the people who had cared for us. It took a long time for us to adjust to life without Mother and Daddy as so much of our time and so many of our thoughts centered around them and what needed to be done to make them comfortable. It's been ten and eleven years since they died, and I still miss them so much. It's weird how sometimes it feels like I just lost them yesterday, and other times it feels like they've been gone forever. My siblings and I were blessed that we were able to care for Mother and Daddy at home; not everyone can do that.
My friend has a long row to hoe caring for her parents. My advice to her was not to feel guilty at those moments when they're being difficult and she's tired and she wishes she didn't have to take care of them anymore. That's normal. The important thing is that she IS taking care of them, she DOES love them, and they know it.
If YOU are dealing with elderly and/or ill parents, my prayers are with you. 4月9日 Best laid plans...Wellll, I didn't go to Dallas. My niece and nephew got a nasty virus so everyone's plans got changed. I decided to wait until another time to visit so as not to risk picking up a puke-bug. Yech.
I'm beginning to think I'm not supposed to go anywhere. My Spring Break trip got cancelled because I discovered a leak in my roof. This weekend's trip was cancelled due to illness. I'm getting paranoid - soon I'll be one of those people who never leaves their house. I'll get all pasty-white and the dog and I will start to smell very similar. Ewwww. Sounds disgusting. I think I'll risk making plans a few more times before I totally give up on fun. ha!!
I went to a college (the one where I work) baseball game yesterday. It was awesome. We won in the bottom of the last inning with a single to center. I was so into the game that I felt like I hit it myself. I felt guilty a few months ago because, after nine kajillion basketball games in the gym where I work, I kinda started hiding out when it was time for the national anthem because I had heard it soooo much. My pride in the song was restored yesterday. I don't care who your daddy is or what ya do for a livin', there's something special about the national anthem at a baseball game. (Know what a pirate calls the national anthem? The St-arrgh Spangled Banner!) The big flag waving in the breeze, the beautiful sunshine, the guys all standing with their caps over their hearts...Wow. I had chills!
My hero was in town this past week. Charlie Waters. Mmm-mmm-mmm. I didn't even know it 'til after he had been and gone. Shoot!! I SUCK as a stalker. When my friends had crushes on David Cassidy and Bobby Sherman, I was madly in love with Charlie Waters, former safety for the Dallas Cowboys. I still have his poster amongst my childhood mementos. Charlie had reason to call my office one day (athletic dept, remember?). I answered the phone, he identified himself, and I said, "Very funny." He said, "What?" I said, "Okay, who is this?" He said, "I'm Charlie Waters." I said, "Billy? (my brother). I'm laughing because I'm sure someone is playing a trick on me. He said, "Really. I'm Charlie Waters" and then told me why he was calling. It was legit and I realized my faux pas. WOW was I embarrassed.
I hope everyone had as great a weekend as I. And I hope all of you have a good week ahead...
4月7日 My last day unsupervised...Wow. This week has flown by without my boss here. I guess, tho, that I had to make up for last week that dragged by and felt like a month. Don't you feel like you're in the Twilight Zone sometimes? There are mornings when I get up at 6:45 and am dressed and ready by 7:30; other days I'm up at 6:45 and still blow-drying my hair at 7:55. I THINK my morning ritual doesn't change so the only way I can explain these things is to presume a time warp of some type. Either the earth doesn't turn as quickly on some days, or it speeds up - I don't know.
My nieces and nephews have this weird thing about pirates. They like pirate things and make up pirate things. For instance, what does a pirate do when he disagrees with you? He arrrrgghhh-arrrrghhh-argues with you. It's really stupid but we think it's funny. What's under your arm? Your arrrrrrrrmpit. Ha!! Well, as I was lighting a candle last night it struck me that I had a pirate candle - a tarrrrrrrt burner. I'll have to go to Big Lots to get my nieces and nephew a pirate candle.
These are the same nieces and nephews who have an Easter egg hunting competition every year. It gets pretty rough. You see, my nieces and nephews range in age from early twenties to mid-thirties. Luckily my brother and sister-in-law live out in the country because the "kids" still get up and hunt in their jammies. The egg hunt has become more of an Xtreme sport. They dive, they block out, they cheat - anything to find the most eggs. The Easter Bunny is beginning to wonder who will hide their eggs after "he" passes on because it's looking like the kids are never going to stop hunting eggs. I see them in the distant future, with their canes and walkers that have baskets on the front of them, shuffling around the nursing home yard looking for eggs...
Remember those plastic Easter eggs? My brother and Daddy used to use those for "nest eggs." A nest egg is an egg you put in a hen's nest so she'll know where to lay and set her own eggs. Bubba and Daddy used the Easter eggs filled with sand (so the hen couldn't roll it out of the nest). One time Daddy had a hen that was trying to set but he didn't want her to so he told me to get the eggs but leave the plastic nest egg. I stuck my hand under the hen and said, "Daddy, how long has this hen been setting because she's already lost her feathers." He replied, "No, she just started setting yesterday." I looked at him and we both realized at the same time what must be happening. I yanked my hand out from under that hen about the same time the huge chicken snake shot out the front of the nest. {big shiver} That snake had swallowed all the eggs under the hen, including the plastic nest egg. I've never stuck my hand under a hen since. Months later Daddy was moving some boxes in the barn and that snake was there. There was about two feet of big, normal snake, then a lump, then another coupla feet of shriveled up, dry snake. We cut him open and there was that plastic egg. Weird, huh?
Hallelujah - I just decided how I can get outta this office and enjoy the beautiful weather, yet still get credit for being at work. I'll go to the baseball game this afternoon - SWEET! Our team is playing at 2:00. Ahhh, the joys of being an athletic supporter! [Insert your own ball or nut joke here.] The baseball team is getting used to me asking, "Are you glad to see me or are you wearing a cup?" HA! (I think I'm becoming one of those old ladies that mothers warn their children about.)
Okay, people. Don't hate me because I'm at the baseball park this afternoon soaking up some rays and yelling at umpires. Technically I'm still working! 4月5日 While the Cat's Away.....the mice will play! Woo-hoo, the boss is outta town this week. It doesn't matter a lick whether he's here or not as I've been here so long I just kinda do my own thing most of the time, anyway. It's the principle of the thing; the promise of freedom, the absence of supervision. It's almost like a SNOW DAY.
I have to file my taxes. I thought I already had but upon further review, I have not. I went to the IRS website in February to read up on the online filing stuff. Since I'm poor with no deductions I qualified for the free online filing so I selected a company and clicked on it to begin my tax preparation. I got an uneasy feeling when the message from the IRS popped up saying "You are not leaving the official website of the IRS. We are no longer responsible for anything that ever happens to you at any of these sites that we listed" or something like that. But I pushed forward. I entered my info at the Online Tax Pros website, hit the "submit" button, it told me it accepted my info. I printed a copy of my return and sat back and waited for my refund. It's April and I didn't have the refund, so I go back to the IRS website to track the progress of my refund check. They have no record of me filing. So I go back to Online Tax Pros, e-mail them to ask what's up, and they tell me I never hit "submit." Bullshit. I spent about an hour trying to update, revise, provide further info, blah blah blah, to file online. I kept getting rejected for errors so I e-mailed them again and told them to delete my stuff as I couldn't get their site to file my info. I was soooo frustrated! The site was not easy to maneuver through, commands were not clear, and it made me feel like an idiot. I'm no rocket scientist but I'm not stupid, either. I printed a 1040EZ and now I'm going about this the old-fashioned way.
Country is goin' to town this weekend. I'm going to Dallas to spend the weekend with my niece. I'm gonna go on Friday night to avoid traffic. Me and the LBJ Freeway don't get along. {shiver} Too many cars, too many crazy drivers. {shiver again} I'll be the one poking along (at the speed limit) in the middle lane with both hands on the wheel scared shitless.
I've arranged for a friend to come stay at my house with Timber (dog). Now I have to straighten up, hide the porn and devices of sexual pleasure, and make sure I have clean towels and toilet paper. I always feel weird when company comes because what seems normal to me may not really be normal, or at least not normal for them. For instance, I don't put my toilet paper on the roller-thing because I find it uncomfortable to reach way behind me to get toilet paper from the wall-mounted dispenser. Will my friend understand that, or will he think I'm just too lazy to put the toilet paper on the dispenser? Will he think it odd that my flour is in the refrigerator? Keeps the bugs out of it, you know... It's weird to look at my house and try to see it through the eyes of someone else.
Now, let me think....what do I want to do on my two hour lunch break today? Hahahahha......ahhhh sweet freedom!
4月2日 Big TimI work with college students and it has been my privilege to meet some really great people. One young man I'll never forget is Big Tim or Big 7. This is our story:
I got involved with the men's basketball program because I had the hots for the assistant coach. By the time he moved on I was hooked on the guys who came to our college to play ball and stayed on as tutor and "mom." One semester the coach told me he was bringing in "a project" and would need my assistance in tutoring and mentoring a young man who had a weak background in academics. He then asked if I would do him a favor and pick Tim up at the bus station while he picked up some other guys for the start of the fall semester. You won't be able to miss him, coach told me, he's 7 foot tall. So it went. As I waited at the bus station in the middle of the night it occurred to me that I had agreed to babysit a 7' teenager from Birmingham without a clue as to what kind of person he might be. My parents were always reminding me of the dangers of a single female allowing a group of guys at my home by myself. Their fears were understandable but unwarranted. With the "posse" I had I was probably the safest woman in Texas! Anyway, I saw Tim as soon as he came into the station. He didn't just have to duck his head, he nearly bent over double to get in the door. Wow. He looked like a 12 year old that had been stretched out to a 7 foot length. We went to my house to wait for coach. He made my little house look tiny. I fixed Tim some sandwiches and he used my mantle as his snack table as it was about waist high for him. Everything about Tim said "slow." He walked slow, talked slow, ate slow, and his thoughts were slow. He could learn, it just took him a little longer. As luck would have it, the coach was detained and the dorms wouldn't open until that evening, so I would babysit Tim several more hours than we had intended. It was Sunday and my dad was grilling, so Tim and I went there for lunch. Daddy brought in a platter with a huge slab of ribs on it and said, "Not everything is ready but this'll get us started." His intent was that we would all get a coupla ribs and then have more as the meat finished cooking on the grill. Since Tim was our guest, we told him to fix his plate first. He picked up the platter of ribs and added his potato salad and beans to the platter. He thought that was the plate Daddy had fixed for him! It was hilarious. And that began the love affair between my family and Big Tim. Tim had never been in the home of a white person; he walked into ours and got treated like we had been waiting for him. The four of us bonded quickly and strongly. He would spend many hours with my parents. They were retired teachers so Daddy tutored Tim in math, Mother in English and history. As Daddy's health failed, Time mowed the yard and did chores. They fed him and paid him a little money which would be the only spending money he would have. Tim and Daddy would sit for hours just talking - or not. They were comfortable to just "sit." Tim told us about his family. He had been living with an elderly aunt because there wasn't room for him in the government housing apartment where his mom lived. He had four brothers, none of them with the same dad except the set of twins. Tim had grown ten inches between his sophomore and junior years, making every basketball coach who saw him drool at his potential. He grew so quickly that his skin had stretch marks at his knees, elbows, shoulders, ankles, etc. Unfortunately, Tim was not athletic but he thought he was. Most coaches would have cut him loose after a semester or a year due his lack of athletic ability, but our coach couldn't or wouldn't. Tim tried as hard as he could, and he was probably the sweetest human being I've ever met. He was the only kid I've ever seen that enjoyed the cafeteria food - because he could have all he wanted. He put on his freshman thirty and coach told him to get on a diet. Tim told me he had been trying to lose weight by eating off the salad bar and not eating desserts. As I sat with him in the cafeteria one day I saw his "salad." True, he was eating off the salad bar but it was a bowl of boiled eggs, ham, and thousand island dressing. Tim didn't like lettuce. Coach helped Tim get summer jobs so he could stay at school. Everybody on campus knew and loved Big Tim. One day Tim and I were at the mall and I noticed that Tim moved closer to me and followed me everywhere I went. I finally asked him why he was following so closely and he nonchalantly pointed at something I had not noticed yet - a midget (if you've been to this site before you may have read that I have a strange fear of midgets). Tim was protecting me from what he knew I feared. All I could do was hug him. Kids would stare at Tim because he was so tall. They would hang back and stare until he would speak to them in his slow, deep, calm voice and they would gradually ease their way towards him. It wouldn't be long before the kids would be playing with Tim. One night before a game, a little boy was staring at Tim and smiling. Tim handed the boy a ball and then picked him up and let the kid "slam dunk" the ball. The crowd went wild. It was totally uncalculated and nobody was more surprised than Tim when he received the cheers. He was probably our most popular player and seldom put a foot on the court during a game. By the end of Tim's sophomore year my dad's health had failed to the point of him going on dialysis, which made him very weak. Daddy's blood pressure and glucose levels would go real low after dialysis and it was often difficult to get him back to our house. I asked Tim if he would go with me one evening to pick up Daddy. When we got home Daddy didn't have the strength to walk into the house. Tim picked him up and carried him into the house like he was a baby, set him gently into his recliner, and wouldn't budge until he was sure Daddy was okay. Tim sat on the couch, quieter than usual, and watched as Mother and I fed Daddy to bring his glucose level closer to normal, etc. As I took Tim back to the dorm later, he told me that he would be going with me to pick Daddy up from then on. And he did. We would work on his homework or watch tv until time to get Daddy at about 9:00 and Tim would take him into the house. On Saturday nights Tim wouldn't go to his parties or to a movie until he got Daddy home, then I would drop him off wherever he needed to go. I don't know how we would have managed without Tim during that time. That summer Tim transferred to an upper division school. He never finished his degree but the time he spent at college changed him. He grew up in an environment where everyone he knew was on welfare. He may not have gotten a degree but he learned how to do things differently. He saw how other people live and how things could be for him. He still lives and works in Birmingham. Tim's story is why I believe extracurricular activities are so important in colleges and schools. Without basketball Tim never would have left his environment because nobody would have given him a chance for higher education, nor would he have known how to go for it himself.
Every so often I get a call from Big Tim. He calls it "reporting in." Nobody can imagine the gratitude and love I have for this gentle giant. I will never forget Big Tim. |
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