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7月27日 Home Sweet HomeI'm home!!! Yea!!! The last three days were spent in Dallas, Texas and I feel like I've been to the end of the world and back. I was not meant to be a city-girl. I tell ya what - I got so spun around with all that concrete and pavement that I didn't know my ass from a hole in the ground. Everything looked the same! I've thought about it a lot and I think I get so lost because in the city people use directional signs, etc. In the country we use landmarks and stuff. In my small city we use a combination. While I'm looking for familiar sights in the big city I get lost because there may be a Walgreen's, McDonald's, and Shell station on every corner in the rapidly developing area of Dallas in which my niece and nephew live. All the houses are two-story brick, all the streets are four-lane with newly planted crepe myrtle trees (yech), all the housing additions are silly names like Stonebriar, Country Club, Grayhawke, Sunnyvale, etc. All the streets are named for something really awesome somewhere else but there they are just another piece of pavement with houses too damn close together, like Apple Valley or Timberline. My niece has a beautiful house that cost in the triple digits but they're, at the most, 20 feet from their neighbors. If I'm gonna spend that much money on a house there better be some acreage with it. Ha!! I at least want to live far enough away from my neighbors that they won't hear me snoring at night. But, judging from the huge numbers of houses being built in the suburbs of Dallas, I'm in the minority on that.
The purpose of my trip to the big city was to be there for the birth of my beautiful new great-niece and I wasn't disappointed. She is AWESOME AND AMAZING!! Mom is doing well and Dad is practically glowing. Of course, my crazy nephew is mesmerized by his wife's big ol' milk-laden boobies. Crazy thing. My oldest beautiful niece and her two near-perfect boys surprised all of us and came into town for the birth of her first niece, so my family was intact except for my sister and my baby nephew and his posse. I was ready to come home, tho. After spending last weekend at my son's and this week at my niece's I was so homesick for my own bed, my own toilet, and my puppy.
My friend and I were going to lunch today when an old Cadillac with some 22" rims and darkly tinted windows pulled up beside us and honked the horn. I looked over and saw "a brother" in the driver's seat who gave me the head-jerk greeting used by young black men along with a "Wassup?" I mimicked the same head-jerk greeting, lightly pounded my fist on my chest, and threw the guy a deuce (peace sign). He pulled away and I just kept talking to my friend. I finally noticed that she's looking at me crazy...
"What?"
"What the hell did you just do?"
"Just being friendly."
"That guy could be a drug dealer or a gang member with a gun!"
"Nah. He's a football player that works at the hospital [which we were passing at the time of the encounter]."
"Oh! Thank God. I thought you had lost your mind."
"For waving?"
"You didn't wave. You held up a peace sign."
"Yeah, Chick - I gave him deuces to the heart."
She shook her head - "You're so much cooler than I am."
"Yes, I know. But that's just how I roll..."
I found out today that the local television station I watch the news from every night is RACIST!! Can you believe that? Last week they reported as the lead story that a BLUEbird had died and tested positive for the West Nile Virus. Tonight they reported that another bird had tested positive in the same part of town but it was a BLACKbird, and it wasn't the lead story at all. Hmmmph. Even a damn BLACKbird can't catch a break.
Did you see on the news tonight that oil companies have reported record profits for the 2nd quarter? SURPRISE!!! That makes me even happier that I paid $2.99 per gallon for the gas I had to buy in Dallas. How do YOU spell greed and avarice? E-X-X-O-N. We have a president whose family got rich on oil, has us in a war for oil (Iraq), we're a hair away from another war with an even oil-richer nation (Iran).....when do you think HE'S gonna do anything about all these profits the big oil companies are making? Duh. And the vice-president got rich and continues to get richer from Halliburton. I'm sure he'll make recommendations to spank the oil companies - NOT. At the end of the first quarter, when Exxon set a record for profits, the price at the pump all of a sudden took a small nosedive. Where I am they just did the same thing. Regular was $2.89 last week and today, after the big profit announcement, the price had dropped to $2.83 - coincidence? Would somebody please throw some cold water on Congress so they'll wake up?? Where's my frickin' representation???????
Well, now I have myself all bowed-up and pissed-off. Hell's bells. 7月23日 LouisianaFIRST, in honor of MaineBikerChick and her constant exposure to famous people, let me say that I drove through Tim McGraw's hometown TWICE this weekend. Ha!! When you drive through Start, LA you can't blink or you'll miss it. The city limits signs are nailed to opposite sides of the same tree. I don't think the guy's mother still lives there and about the only time he's been back was to film a tv special, yet I always keep my eyes open for Tim and Faith when I drive through.
Now, the important stuff. My grandbabies are the sweetest, cutest, cuddliest babies EVER. (In addition to all my nieces and nephews.) When I arrived at my son's I was greeted by my 6 year old grandson with a loud "GRANDMA!!" and a big hug. The 3 year old hung back awhile to see what this woman was all about since he didn't remember me from the last visit. Last year when I visited he was in Belgium with his mama. We sat out under the carport while Ron grilled chicken, ribs, and sausage then we chowed down like we were rich people. Mmm-mm-mmm. The little boys played basketball on a mini-goal. Ron is 6'7" and his wife is just under 6' so both babies are tall! I'm hoping for a coupla post players (centers). I get so tickled when I'm around Ron's birth-family as they give people nicknames, usually some form of their real name. Some kid at some point mispronounced Ron's name and called him Don (pronounced "Dun") so now Ron is Dun-Dun. Dora the dog is Do-Do. Keisha the cousin is Ke-Ke. Mike, Jr is Mike-Mike. Ken is Ken-Ken. And on and on. And then there's Ron's brother Johnny whom they call Uncle Ray. I haven't figured that one out yet. My nickname? Medea. Well, it's pronounced like the mythical Medea, but it's actually a shortened version of "My Dear." It's a name reserved for a matriarch, a cherished and respected mother/grandmother. I'm flattered and moved to have been accepted into this large and loving family and given such a sweet nickname. We had a blast this weekend laughing and visiting. Both boys cried to come home with me but they are going to Disney World this week. I cried for about five miles after I left the crying babies, tho. My heart just about swelled out of my chest. My son is verrrrrry special. I marvel everytime I see him because I remember that shy, insecure 18 year old who wouldn't look me in the eye when I first met him. To see him now being a good daddy, husband, and provider, and most especially loving this ol' broad...
I blogged one time about the number of dead animals to be found along Texas highways and byways. Well, once I crossed the Louisiana border, I bet I passed a half-dozen broken down abandoned vehicles beside the interstate. It's always been like that ever since I started going to Louisiana. Weird.
Now, I have friends and relatives who are truck drivers and I know it's a respectable and tough way to make a living, but I'm here to tell ya that if I coulda gotten my hands on a coupla truck drivers on this trip I would have ripped 'em new assholes. SHEESH. The only way I can explain their driving would be bullyish and intimidating. Oh, and dangerous! I was passing a truck that was doing about 60-65, I was doing 70-75, when I looked in my rearview mirror and all I saw was truck grill. After I stopped pissing myself I zoomed up to nearly 85 to get out of the bastard's way! He was like a phantom, too, because he was nowhere to be seen when I started around the other truck. He must've been moving a load of popsicles and his refrigeration went out. I don't know - but he had no business driving that damn fast.
BIG NEWS!! I'll be in Dallas this week as my nephew's wife is having our baby on Tuesday or Wednesday. I'm so excited!! On Friday I went and bought pink gum cigars, chocolate cigars, and tobacco cigars that say "It's a Girl." I'm gonna relay down to a town 30 miles south and get my sister-in-law and then we're going to Dallas so we won't miss any excitement. We're scared somebody might fart and we won't get to smell any of it! Ha! Nephew's wife said we were all coming because of the baby and not to help her........BUSTED!! Hahahhahahaha. DUH, Homegirl. I lobbied for nine months to get this baby named after me but she won't be. I'm pretty sure she's gonna be angry with her parents when she finds out she could have been my namesake and they refused it. I'm still working on my other pregnant niece (also expecting a girl) but she has other names picked out, too. Hmmph. Another pissed off little girl, I would imagine. And I will, of course, explain all this to the girls when they're old enough to understand...
Y'all have a good week. I'm going to!! 7月20日 Current EventsDid y'all see Bush at the NAACP convention? Ha! He looked like he was trying to squelch a fart, didn't he? Poor little fella. He even brought his cheerleader, Condi, to sniff up all the stink if one accidentally made it out. Jesse Jackson was there on the front row. Does that man have a television camera detector implanted in his body somewhere? Sheesh. He's on tv more than Frazier reruns.
I didn't see this on my local news. Nope. Didn't have time for it as today it was confirmed that a bluebird died from the West Nile Virus in a local neighborhood. Order of business today on the news: Dead Bluebird, local college kids using facebook.com, some guy found dead in Nacogdoches, and, oh yeah, some Marines rescued a bunch of Americans from Beirut, then ten minutes of weather, a story about a bear cub that was rescued from a trash dump and has found a new home in a zoo somewhere, five minutes of sports, recap of the weather. We like weather. This time of year it's pretty much the same everyday but we talk about it a lot. We compare it to the record, we compare it to yesterday, we forecast tomorrow, we talk about the town close by... The weatherman yesterday said there were storms near Alexandria, LA but there was NO WAY they would make it as far as East Texas. Thirty minutes later we were in a severe thunderstorm watch and that "no chance" dropped about a quarter inch of rain on my yard (thank you, Higher Power) and blew a limb down.
I listed to Dan Patrick on ESPNRadio today and his topic was steroids, Barry Bonds, etc. I am so sick of hearing about Barry Bonds and steroids. Yes, he did 'em. How do I know? Look at pictures of him ten years ago and pictures now. Look at his anger issues from the over-supply of testosterone. Hell-oooooo? When he did 'em there weren't rules in the MLB about them. Now there are and he hasn't tested positive. SO STOP BEATING A DEAD HORSE. Let it go! The sportscasters are just pissed because he's always been such a jackass to them and now they're getting their pound of flesh. Well, shit, here I am beating that same dead horse.
Beefcake, Chuck, and I went on our road trip on Wednesday. We visited a regionally famous restaurant in a nearby town and had a lovely lunch of bbq ribs. Mmm. We've been talking about this trip for nearly a month, planning how we would drink a cold beer, munch on some ribs, be gone for two and a half hours because the boss isn't there, blah blah blah. We invited a coupla other office people to go with us - a coach and a couple of trainers. Well, we got there and the waitress took our drink order and Chuck didn't order a beer because the trainer and the coach didn't and they ordered before him. I ordered next and told the waitress I wanted an ice cold beer, so then Beefcake ordered one, too. I told Chuck he's a puss. Alllll that talk about having a brew and he wussed out because the other guys didn't order one. He cratered and ended up ordering a beer in an attempt to save face but the damage was done - he's now on the puss list. (I know Chuck reads my blog occasionally, so, "CHUCK, YOU'RE A PUSS!!!!!") Then everybody sucked the meat off those ribs faster than Fred Flintstone used to do on the cartoon and we were back at the office within an hour and fifteen minutes. Booooo!!!!! Next time I sneak off I'm doing it with people who are willing to stay gone long enough for it to feel sneaky. It was discussed that Chuck cratered rather quickly under the peer pressure. Coach pointed out that he hoped Chuck (USAF Reserves) was never captured by the enemy because he would crack under pressure and give away all of our secrets. Ha! It took him about ten minutes to crater to me and order a beer, so we figure that with a few splinters under his nails and he'll tell everything he knows. Good thing he's never gotten farther than Bossier City (Barksdale AFB).
My friend fixed herself a lunch on Tuesday to take to work on Wednesday. On Wednesday morning she saw that it hadn't been a good idea to put the crackers in the fridge as they got mushy. She took them off the plate and wrapped them in a paper towel, took them to the trashcan, stepped on the thing that raises the lid, and dropped the mushy crackers. The lid had not come up high enough and the crackers "plopped" onto the lid of the trashcan. With a mumbled expletive she leaned forward to get the crackers and as she did her foot was still on the lid trigger. As she leaned her weight went onto the foot that was on the lid trigger, throwing open the trashcan - quickly - flinging the mushy crackers onto the wall and floor. Hahahahhahaha. She cleaned up her mess and went to work. And when did she remember the lunch she had gone to so much trouble to prepare? When she pulled into the driveway at work...and the lunch was still on her table at home...
I'm going to Louisiana this weekend to see my babies. Wish me luck!
7月17日 Hot enough fer ya?If one more person asks me that I'm gonna slap the piss out of 'em. It's triple digits - OF COURSE it's hot enough fer me! Gya! Morons. Today it rained on top of the triple digits and the humidity was more intense than bein' four feet up a bull's butt. I always think of great answers to the "hot enough for ya?" question, but I can't say them because they're just too hateful.
Hot enough for ya?
No, my flesh is not melting off yet.
Hot enough for ya?
Not quite - I want to see the squirrels catch on fire.
Hot enough for ya?
Oh, is it hot to you?
Instead, I go into my East Texas dialogue. Same stuff works for any type of weather:
Hot enough for ya?
Ew, yes. Ya think it's hotter [wetter, colder, foggier, etc] than it was last year?
Oh yeah, I think it's hotter [etc]. I ain't never seen nothin' like this.
{slightly chuckling} Yep, I bet the hens r'gonna start layin' boiled eggs!
Yep, yep, I bet yer right.
{BIG SIGH}
I felt sorry for Matt (Beefcake) and Chuck (TITS) this morning. I was crankier than a rabid skunk on my first day back from "vacation." Then Beefcake started whining about being my personal answering service because nobody seems to call when I'm out and then this morning the phone went crazy. Whew - I was really, really cranky. It wouldn't have been as bad if I hadn't had a three-hour training session this afternoon to learn some new purchasing software/procedures. Yech. This woman that's in charge of professional development is a pain in my ass. She said something to me in a tone I didn't particularly appreciate and I responded in a hateful way which drew the attention of the others in the room. After she walked away Chucky says, "don't put me in the middle of a cat fight like that ever again." Poor kid. He thought I was gonna fly over him and snatch her bald-headed. Man, she's irritating. And I'm a bitch so the two just don't gee-haw. Beefcake. Ha. In the past I normally hired college girls to be the clerical help in my office. Three summers ago we hired Matt while he was home on break from his college. The coaches started teasing me about hiring "beefcake" (a guy) instead of the usual "cheesecake" (girls). The name stuck and he has been Beefcake for three years now. Great kid.
I was so angry at myself today. I was telling a friend about repairing the drill team uniforms and she asked me if I took 'em up (decreased their size) while I was sewing on them. Dammit! That would have been GREATNESS. I'm very disappointed that I didn't think of that. Can you imagine a little ol' girl trying on her already too-small size 8 not knowing I had taken it down to a size 6 that absolutely wouldn't fit? Ha!! I could have single-handedly started an anorexia epidemic!
Speaking of epidemics - whatever happened to the bird flu pandemic? I haven't heard anything about that in a long time. Here I am stuck with two cases of water and a bunch of tuna fish and the bird flu just disappeared. Should I continue to hoard or should I drink the water? Decisions, decisions. Sure as the world I drink this stuff and birds all over Texas are gonna start dropping dead and Timber and I will dehydrate...
Well, I beg that, no matter what your religious preference, you give a shout out asking for peace. Pray for it, meditate about it - whatever - but it's gettin' scarier by the day...
Later.
7月15日 KOOL AIDConfession - I'm a Kool Aid junkie. I learned yesterday that Kool Aid is not "cool" for grownups. According to my friend, we're supposed to switch to Crystal Light once we get past puberty. Uh!?! I like Crystal Light just fine, especially the pink lemonade, but please don't ask me to give up my Tropical Punch Kool Aid (sugar-free). Mmmmmm. Isn't it amazing how well marketing works on most of us? There are several reasons why I drink Kool-Aid (sugar free). It's sugar-free, it's cheap(er) than coke (coke=any carbonated drink; also known as soft drinks or pop), it's easier to drink than plain water, it has pretty colors, and it tastes good. Try the Strawberry Lemonade; that's my fave flavor this summer. I also confess that I can't mix it or pour it without singing to myself, "Kool Aid's great - yeah yeah yeah..."
I'm not worried about Timber's shedding anymore. I bathed him on Wednesday, brushed him until I got most of the loose hair off of him, and now he looks verrrry pretty. I think he feels better. The hot spot on his neck is healed, too. He started the summer not liking baths but now I ask him if he wants a bath and he runs and jumps in the bathtub! He's always brought a toy to bed with him but now he brings all of his toys. We now sleep with a beef-basted femur, a piece of stinky rope, and usually a chewed-up plastic coke or water bottle. Sometimes he'll bring a used paper plate with him (licked clean). My sheets get washed A LOT.
It's hotter than hades around here. The heat index is between 100-105. When I was a kid, Mother would make us stay in the house between noon and 3:00 as that was considered "the heat of the day." I guess she was afraid we would melt or something. I can remember her telling us "It's time for you to just settle down and rest for a coupla hours." We didn't have air conditioning but we had this huge water-cooler or water-fan in the living room window. It was a fan that had water running through it all the time, cooling the air. Mother put up thick, dark curtains to block out the sun and to us it felt like refrigerated air. (Sometimes we had to put pine-o-pine or bleach in the fan because it would get a fishy smell from the standing water. A small price to pay for cooler air.) She would make us go in and out of the house through the back door so we wouldn't let the cool air out. Anyway, "us kids" would lay around in the cool room to read or play games or take a nap. There weren't video games and only 2-3 television stations that we could pick up out in the boonies so tv wasn't really an option. As soon as Mother felt like it was safe for us to go back outside, off we went. There were mudpies to be made, horses to be ridden, bikes to be ridden, woods to be wandered in, and critters to be fed and watered. When we were restricted to the coolness of the house, we weren't alone. We brought in the dog, the cats, and when I was in junior high, my goat. Mother didn't mind the dog and cats, but she really had issues with that goat... Well, all that to say, the "heat of the day" is now later with our hottest time is around 5:00 p.m.. I think that's weird. Weird like how it used to start cooling off by the time school began in September and now it's hot until Thanksgiving.
I dread going back to work on Monday. Yech. I have a training session for a new purchasing procedure all afternoon and I'm used to that being nap time! Chuck will have to keep me awake. I told Da Boyz we would take a field trip on Tuesday. We tried the same trip last week when the boss was gone but the rib place we had picked out was closed. We'll take a loooong lunch hour, eat some ribs, drink ONE cold beer (or two) and then finish out the afternoon sleepy as hell. It'll be fun and a bonding opportunity for us. "Informal networking." If the boss comes back a day early from his second vacation, he can either go with us or cover the office. Ha!!
Well, I guess I better get back to the sewing machine. I'm working on a quilt for one of the new babies our family is being blessed with this year.
Later.... 7月12日 What a vacation!{BIG SIGH} I've had SUCH a vacation. I've repaired about 200 pieces of drill team uniform, gone to the dentist twice, and since the boss decided to take another week of vacation Da Boyz have been calling me for guidance on office issues. Pffft.
It took me two days to repair the uniforms. I sat up in the dance studio not thinking that it would be in use this summer. As I sat at my sewing machine I watched some old people do Tai Chi, a fencing class, cha-cha class, and tango class. I felt like the proverbial "fly on the wall." People are so funny. Every instructor that came in assured me I wouldn't bother their class, and invited me to join in. Yeah, right! The Tai Chi looked way cool. There was a little old lady in that class that looked awesome as she went through the routine. She retired about twenty years ago from the place where I work and looks younger now than she did then. She was so graceful and pretty doing the very precise moves. Then another girl from work was taking the fencing class and asked me if I wanted to try it. I told her I left my barbed wire at home so couldn't do fencing. She didn't get it. Oy. The dance classes were fun to watch. The instructor thought he was Fred Astaire, except prissier. There was a woman in the dance classes that was popping and cracking gum louder than I have ever heard anyone do in my life. I wanted to yell at her to spit her damn gum out but it wasn't my class, ya know? Her husband was pretty darn cute. Long legs, tight Wranglers, boots, silver beard, and a big ol' black hat. Yummy.
I've been amused at the comments I received regarding the NFL kid who visited me last week. I do believe there are several horny ol' broads reading my space! Ha!! (Glad to know I'm not alone!) I was so proud of myself for taking the moral high-road, and then I get bombarded with "ya shoulda done its." Hilarious. I bet if we were all to get together we could have a rip-roaring good time. Maybe the next time ol' boy whispers sweet nothings I'll tap dat ass - who knows? Ha!! It'll ruin him for all other women, and he'll have to brag about it since it'll be the best ever. Hahahahhahaha. Wouldn't it be a blow to the ego to do your best circus tricks on a man and then find out he went gay? *shiver*
The drill team uniforms were a nightmare. Judging from some of the misshapen leotards I would venture a guess that some of the girls are trying to squeeze fifty pounds o' mud into twenty-five pound sacks. None of the repairs were difficult, there were just a bunch of 'em. The dance studio where I was working has mirrors on one wall. YECH. I've decided, tho, that I need to mirror the interior of my house. That would keep a girl honest on a diet, I tell ya. I'd probably just wait until midnight and then stumble around the kitchen in the dark so I wouldn't have to see my guilty ass in the mirrors. I could use a good case of anorexia right now. My brother told me I'm a bulimic with amnesia - I binge and then forget to purge. He's so sweet - NOT.
I washed the cover on Timber's dog bed and he is lovin' it. He hasn't been laying on it for awhile so I decided to clean it up before stacking it in a room with all the other crap we don't use. Well, I guess I just have a discriminating dog because once I got the clean cover on it he got his beef-basted bone (that looks like someone's femur) and reclaimed his bed. Odd, isn't it? He'll stick his head in a shitty-smelling (literally) toilet to drink from his private spring, but he wants his "sheets" clean. He likes to lay on clean sheets to lick his own pee-pee. The poor fella has a hot spot on his neck. I've been giving him prednisone for the itching and keeping antibiotic ointment on it so it's looking better. It was gross for a couple of days. He has shed so much I can see his skin. I don't ever remember him shedding this much. He's eating well and drinking lots of water so I don't think anything's wrong with him. He doesn't have patches of baldness or anything (like mange) but his hair is thin all over. I'm watching, tho, and if he acts weird or gets a bald spot he's going to the vet.
I have a moral dilemma... You know that S.O.B. in Florida that buried the little girl alive after stealing her from her own bed? I want to pray for him to get what he deserves, but what I feel he deserves is like-treatment. Prison is too good for him. Quick and humane death is too good for him. I want him to be raped, tied up in garbage bags, and buried alive, just like he did to the little girl. Instead, the good people of Florida will probably feed, clothe, and house this guy until he dies in about 20-30 years because the judge won't allow his confession or information regarding prior convictions for sexual assaults. Or he could get off scott-free. I can't imagine how the little girl's daddy ever sleeps. How does he get the image of his little girl being sexually assaulted out of his mind? How does he get the image of his little girl slowly suffocating in the grave his neighbor put her in before she was even dead out of his mind? How does this man move on? It's sickening. Heartbreaking doesn't even begin to describe it. CNN played part of the murderer's confession tape today and all I could do was cry for Jessica Lunsford and her family. So I pray for justice, on earth and after death, knowing that true justice won't happen until this man is burning in hell. 7月9日 GOALLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Yep, I've been watching the World Cup. Those hot little Italian men won - YIPPEE!! The World Cup is beyond most Americans' imaginations. We think the Super Bowl is big - HA. World Cup is Super Bowl on steroids (can I say that?). People everywhere but here take that stuff WAY serious. I love patriotic stuff and I love sports, and to combine the two - whew! - it's awesome. I can't tell you how many times I've watched the Lou Gehrig Story, The Natural, Hoosiers, Field of Dreams, and Seabiscuit. Oh yeah, and Black Beauty. (The one with Elizabeth Taylor and her horse, not the porn one.) As I watched England in the World Cup and the English fans were singing "My Country 'Tis of Thee", er, I mean, "God Save the Queen" to pump up their team, I sat in my little living room in East Texas with a lump in my throat. We [Americans] forget other countries are just as patriotic as we are. Other fans may have been doing the same thing but that's the only "foreign" anthem I recognize. I would know "Oh Canada" thanks to hockey and baseball. I hope the American soccer team makes a better showing in four years. And I wonder why the Adu kid didn't play on the US team? I'll have to research that and get back to ya.
I need to go to WalMart but that would require getting dressed. I've made it all the way to 5:30 pm without changing out of my sleeping shirt so it seems futile to do it now. I'm getting tired of eating things that can be wrapped in a tortilla, tho. I've been eating "drunk" food for about a week now. You know what I mean - crap you wouldn't normally fix but seems like a good idea at 2:30 a.m. and you've been drinking for awhile. Like a wienie in a tortilla with some melted cheese, or peanut butter & jelly in a tortilla. Blech. Timber's happy - I bought his food last week. I, on the other hand, have not bought human food in a while. Mother Hubbard's cupboard is pretty bare. Looks like I'll either have to order a pizza, go to the store, or eat a can of beets for supper. Mmmm.
My friend whom I thought was extremely independent has surprised me lately. She got married mid-December, was knocked up by late December, and is now being ridiculously dependent on the husband. She's behaving the way she used to ridicule other women acting. She can't even accept a lunch date without checking with the spouse. Ugh. Which brings me to the question...Are independent women really independent or do they just have to be because they're unattached? A friend asked me the other day if I would get married if "the right guy" asked. I don't know. It has bothered me to be an "old maid" but I just don't think I would like having to share my space with someone else all the time. If I can't put the guy out in the back yard when I'm tired of him, like I do Timber, I just don't think I could handle marriage. It sure would be nice to have someone tend to the vehicle maintenance and yard, tho. Oh wait, I have a mechanic and the little boy down the street for those. Aw, hell, it ain't like I got dudes beatin' my door down so I don't know why I'm even thinkin' about this. What a moron.
My great-nephew is six years old today. I called him and asked if it's his brother's birthday. "No, it's MY birthday." So I asked if he's 4 years old. "Stop acting like my Dad." I guess my teasing was not very original...
My fifty-something year old male cousin is getting married for the first time next weekend. Whodathunkit? I guess that's what has me thinking about all this marriage stuff. Again I say, I just can't imagine it.
I'm taking a week off from work this week. Technically I'll be on vacation; realistically I'll be on campus but will be repairing drill team uniforms for extra money. Rah. I'll be sewing on buttons, mending seams, and being pissy that mostly grown women can actually wear those little bitty uniforms. Heifers. I probably shouldn't tell the woman who is paying me that I've often referred to the drill team as "The Whore Corps." Okay, I'm the heifer. No, hell, I'm the cow. My bitterness has caused me to call those sweet little girls ugly names. I'll probably rot in hell. And I shouldn't take such glee in seeing a girl in the drill team line whose butt-cheeks hang out of her tights. See? I'm just HATEFUL!
I had a visitor this past week. One of our former athletes who is now in the NFL came by to see me. When he left our campus at the end of his college career, he came by my office and offered to help me get my groove back (a la Stella). I told him that if I ever lost my groove that he would be the first one I would call. A couple of years later, after he had been in the NFL awhile, he came back on a visit and offered again. I was flattered, but not interested in pursuing an affair that would make me feel downright pedophilish. This past week the crazy thang offered again. Although once again flattered, I had to laugh. "Dude, look at me - I'm old and instead of having a little junk in the trunk I look like Acme Moving & Storage - what is your deal?" He grinned at me and said, "You're sexy." Well, he would probably turd some twinkies if I ever took him up on his offer, but I gotta tell ya that I've felt a few Mona Lisa grins on my face since his visit and maybe a little bit o' pep in my step. I love that boy.
Y'all have a good week. 7月5日 It's Raining!!Hallelujah! Wooo-hoooo!!!! My front yard is suckin' in rainwater so fast it sounds like a bathtub drain. Matt the New Intern was sweatin' it since it was coming down hard about the time he was ready to go to lunch. I told him not to worry about it since turds float. Ha! When I got home this evenin' the crazy dog was soppin' wet. There's a storehouse in the back yard that he has access to but he would rather stand by the door hopin' I'll miraculously appear and let him in. It was raining hard, too - like a cow pissin' on a flat rock. I'm glad he's not one of those dogs that's scared of storms or he woulda been miserable today. I leave him in the house during the winter if rain is in the forecast, but in the summertime I just let him get wet. He needed a good shower anyway, even tho he had a bath on Saturday. I wouldn't have minded playing in the rain myself. All afternoon "Da Boyz" (Matt & Chuck) and I talked about stuff that's good to do in the rain. Like sleeping, sewing, screwing, and reading. We sounded like the old guys that sit in front of the feed store. You know, the "spit-n-whittle club." "Aw, yeah...there ain't nuttin' like sleepin' when it's rainin' like 'at."
"UMMM-HMMMM. That nice, soft rain that's loud enough ta hear but not loud enough to keep ya awake."
"Aw, yeah."
"Ain't nuttin' like a good ol' rain."
Yep, just me 'n Da Boyz. The Boss is on vacation this week. He and his family have gone to Jamaica, mon. I can't seem to say "Jamaica" without putting "mon" after it. We had three kids from Jamaica last year on the soccer team. One of them wrote a note and left it on my computer - "MizAngie is Jamaican." I was flattered. But then, I'm cool like dat. Ha! I worked on my island patois but have ya ever heard a Jamaican with a Texas drawl? It's......odd.
I just finished watching Bruce Springsteen on PBS. He was performing in an old church in London, England. He sang folks songs and it was good. He did, however, call George Bush our "Bystander in Chief" when talking about Hurricane Katrina. Now, correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't that why the Dixie Chicks have become the scourge of country music? Because they bad-mouthed the president on a foreign stage? Hmmmm. I understand that the fan base is quite different, but I would think you'd still hear about it. The Chicks' new cd is good, by the way, especially if you're in a real pissy mood. The songs have a tinge of anger and bitterness in them. I actually PAID for the cd instead of downloading it illegally. That was my little political statement and show of support for freedom of speech. Granted, I personally wouldn't have badmouthed my president in front of foreigners just like I wouldn't badmouth my retarded cousin outside the family circle, but the freedom to do it is guaranteed in the Constitution. At least the Dixie Chicks haven't released a cd full of cheesy patriotic stuff that takes advantage of heightened emotions regarding our troops being in harm's way so they can cash in on the war. Hmmph.
Ya know, most people would have sufficed it to say Springsteen was performing in London. Most would feel confident that all understood that it was also in England. Not in Texas. Nope. We have a London, Texas, and we're just cocky enough to think ya need to be a little more specific about where Mr. Springsteen might be. We have London, Paris, Moscow, New York, Atlanta, Palestine... Have y'all heard the new Real Men of Genius [Bud Light] commercial? Mr. Too Proud of Texas Guy? It's hilarious!! And it's true, allll true.
I'm glad I wasn't doing piece-work today. Timber and I would be starving to death by now if that was the case because I didn't do diddly-squat at work. Oh, an e-mail here, a scholarship paper there, but mostly we watched it rain. It's been a long time since we got a good rain like that so it deserved to be watched.
Thanks to all of y'all that prayed for rain in East Texas for me. Keep the prayers comin' because we're still about 10" below normal rainfall for the year. The fish are takin' breathin' exercises so they can survive when the lake dries up.
Later... 7月3日 UselessI took off work today to stretch my weekend into four days. I had grandiose plans of accomplishing many things around the house. Pffft... I've been about as useless as a third tit. I've taken lazy to a whole new level. (Which I'm kinda proud of as I thought I had peaked on the lazy thang weeks ago. Just goes to show you what can be accomplished with a little practice.) The dog has the same attitude. I threw him a treat last night and it landed about a foot from him. Instead of getting up to get his treat he just scooted himself to it and then let his tongue hang out the side of his mouth 'til he managed to lick it into his mouth. You ever see that slimy trail a garden slug leaves on the sidewalk? If I get any lazier I'll probably start leaving one of those as I drag my lazy ass around the house.
Welllllllll, as I've stated about nine million times, I'm retiring in eighteen months. One of the main reasons I chose to retire was my dislike of a certain administrator. He announced last week that he's retiring, too - the day after me! Knocked my dick in the dirt! (Okay, I don't have a penis but if I did it would have been knocked into the dirt.) THEN, some people at work thought it would be reeeeeeal funny to ask if the two of us were planning to elope together since we're leaving at the same time. I stared at them for a minute and then asked with brows furrowed and eyes squinting, "Do you really think that's funny?" It was a very bitchy thing for me to do but it at least knocked a tiny bit of wind out of their sails. I usually have a real good sense of humor but there are some things for which I have no sense of humor at all, like dead puppies and being linked to someone whom I dislike who is in a position of power.
I did manage to make a dress for my pregnant niece. She asked for a khaki wrap-dress, so auntie obliged her. After I finished it I held it up to admire my own handiwork. Good grief. I called my sister-in-law and told her that the niece better not wear her new dress to the mall as people will think she is there to hand out perfume samples. It looks plain and smockish. I'm hoping it will look better on my beautiful niece than it did held up in my tiny sewing room. Last week I made the other pregnant niece a shirt. I kept telling her I was decorating it with rick-rack but she didn't believe me. I did put a row of shiny silver rick-rack on the shirt but only to aggravate her. She is my nephew's wife so she always has to figure out how to do things without hurting in-law feelings, although that seems to concern her less and less. (Ha!) In this case, how could she remove the rick-rack without insulting my taste? She was worried until she looked on the back of the seam and saw that I had only tacked the trim on and had used dark thread so she could see which one to pull to remove the trim. Ha! It was funny in a nerdy, seamstress kinda way. More of a geographical joke - you know - ya hadda be there.... We should use more rick-rack on our clothing. Doesn't it have a happy sound to it? "What's that colorful zig-zaggy trim on your shirt?" "Why, it's RICK-RACK." "Well, what a happy sounding thing to have on your shirt!" "Oh, yessssss."
This is the second summer in a row that we've had a fireworks ban on the 4th of July due to drought conditions. Last year I found bottle rocket sticks on my front porch which was kinda scary. I'd like to find the little effers that shot them and stick a bottle rocket up their ass and light it. NOW let's talk about drought conditions, little fella!!! Somebody sent me an e-mail very similar to that, come to think of it. Some guy burned the hell outta his own butt because he used his anus to shoot off a bottle rocket. The things some people do..... I never have liked firecrackers. Being the youngest of three siblings, I was tormented to pieces by my brother and sister anytime firecrackers were around. They would throw firecrackers close to me and then throw what I thought was one right next to me. It was always just a lit fuse but it succeeded in scaring the pee-waddlin' out of me every time. I guess I was a slow learner as they did it everrrry frickinnnnn' tiiiiime. So what was fun and pretty to them was a very traumatic experience for me and I could care less about fireworks to this day. Is it any wonder Mother and Daddy loved me the most?
I guess, in honor of Independence Day, I'll throw a dead animal on the grill tomorrow. I'm marinating some chicken boobs that will be just delightful (if I don't cook them to dryness). I haven't been to the store in a while so I have no idea what I'll have with the grilled boobs. It's such an ordeal to light the grill. The little sparker thing on the grill is broken so I have to use a lighter or a match. I'm scared of fire so this takes awhile. Turn on the gas, throw fiery things at the grill, panic because it didn't light and the gas is still on, turn off the gas for awhile, start over, and over, and over... Last time I figured out that I can get the long tongs and hold some burning paper close to the grill as I leap by and it lights pretty good that way. I'll just start with that tomorrow. I wish the sparker would miraculously work again. You can see, tho, why I don't use a charcoal grill....
I guess I'll say goodnight. Timber keeps putting his head under my arm and slinging my hand off the keyboard. Gee, I wonder if he wants my attention?!?
Happy 4th of July!!
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